Kris Humphries is retiring from the NBA. But can he ever retire from being the ex Mr. Kim Kardashian West??
We’ve long thought of the power forward as being fairly laconic (though realistically that’s probably because of the edit he got in KUWTK — and we know who has more of a say in that final product). But for his retirement announcement, the journeyman basketballer doesn’t read a short statement and field questions.
He tells his entire life story!
Related: Kris ‘Enjoying The Single Life’
In a lengthy essay for The Players Tribune, Humphries goes from his athletic origins as a youth swimming phenom (“Back in the day, I used to crush Phelps. Lochte, too.”) to the moment he fell in love with the NBA (“My dad had a business trip in Chicago, and he took me along and surprised me with Bulls tickets. This was ’97 peak Bulls. Peak MJ.”) to the game where he finally figured out his role on the team (“I wasn’t The Guy. I was a grinder.”).
And of course, he talks about his brief, infamous marriage to Kim:
“And then I met a girl who happened to be really famous, and I got married, and….. Damn.”
Damn is right.
Along the way Kris talks about his biggest embarrassments. There was the time he jumped out of the pool early in a swim meet, after only having done 150 of the 200 meters because he got in the zone and lost count — earning him the nickname “One Fifty” for years afterward.
But the big one would come far later. And 150 meters seems really long compared to 72 days of being married. The ignominy was magnified by a million this time as he was a world famous punchline:
“I was playing at Madison Square Garden for the first time after my marriage ended, and I was getting booed so loud that it was crazy.
I’m talking feel-it-in-your-bones booed.
I wasn’t Kris Humphries any more. I wasn’t a real person. I was That Guy. And I’m standing there at the free throw line waiting for the ref to hand me the ball, and the Garden is shaking, and all I can think is, Welp. Here we go again. One f****** Fifty.”
Humphries admits he didn’t see any of it coming.
But who could have predicted any of what the Kardashians would achieve? Their fame is nearly unprecedented — and it was too much for Kris. Especially the breakup. He writes:
“Look, I should have known what I was getting into. I was definitely naive about how much my life was going to change. But the one thing that really bothers me is whenever people say that my marriage was fake.
There’s definitely a lot about that world that is not entirely real. But our actual relationship was 100% real. When it was clear that it wasn’t working … what can I say? It sucked. It’s never easy to go through the embarrassment of something like that — with your friends, with your family…. But when it plays out so publicly, in front of the world, it’s a whole other level. It was brutal.”
Have YOU ever stopped to think about how this all felt for Kris Humphries?
Video: Kim Tells Her Side Of Doomed Marriage
Going through a painful divorce with every sore spot lit up by the spotlight? He continues:
“I didn’t know how to handle it, because I never thought I was going to be famous in that way. I remember having this moment when I was getting booed so hard in Philly, and I thought to myself, ‘Why exactly are they booing me, though? Is it just because I’m That Guy from TV? Do they think I was trying to be famous? Is it because they think I disrespected the game of basketball?’
The last one killed me, because all I’ve ever wanted to be known for was basketball.”
Being famous was tricky — being infamous was a whole other ball game. So to speak.
“My whole life, I was a really confident, happy person. But nothing can prepare you for the feeling of walking down the street, or being anywhere, really — the grocery store, the gas station — and having people literally running up on you and trying to film you, trying to grab you, saying God knows what.
That’s not natural. That’s not supposed to be real life.”
Humphries goes on to talk about how it threatened his mental health:
“I’ll be honest, I dealt with a lot of anxiety, especially in crowds. There was about a year where I was in a dark place. I didn’t want to leave my home. You feel like … I don’t know … the whole world hates you, but they don’t even know why. They don’t even know you at all. They just recognize your face, and they’re on you.”
It got worse. He writes:
“I didn’t want to be Kris Humphries. It’s the craziest feeling in the world, not wanting to be yourself. And I didn’t even want to say anything to defend myself, because it felt like I couldn’t win. You can’t go up against the tabloids. You can’t go up against that machine. There’s no point. And even if I played that game, I felt like it would be disrespecting the game of basketball…
Honestly, the game was the only thing that got me through it. The game and my family.”
Humphries concludes:
“I know that most people will always see me as That F****** Guy from TV. And I get it. I signed up for it. I don’t want any pity at all. But I hope that true fans of basketball remember me as a grinder, as a guy who transformed into a heck of a rebounder, and as a guy who always tried to put the game in the best light.”
And luckily for him, it does actually happen. Sometimes.
“And yeah, 99 times out of 100, when people come up to me, it’s still ‘Bro, are you that dude?’
But one out of 100, someone will come up to me and say something like, ‘Hey, all the bulls**t aside, I watched those Nets teams, and you really played hard, man.’
Whenever that happens, I say thank you, but deep down, I almost want to stop and give them a hug.”
Aww!
Do YOU want to give Humphries a big hug after reading his side?
Or does he still have the villain edit in your personal KUWTK canon??
Sound off in the comments (below)!
[Image via Judy Eddy/WENN.]
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